John Wilkes Booth v. Benedict Arnold
The very first episode of Battlestar Garaptica. American stage actor and Confedarate sympathizer JOHN WILKES BOOTH goes up against American revolutionary turned traitor BENEDICT ARNOLD. Hope you enjoy. Soundcloud Cast of Characters Jim Van Dusen as Voice of Benedict Arnold TO BE FILLED as Benedict Arnold KGBronies as Voice of John Wilkes Booth Ryan Shackle as John Wilkes Booth Lyrics Arnold: Hey, George, check this out; I’m fighting this for America I’ll terrorize the predator who thought that he could better ya You have no chance; just back out like George Atzerodt Unless you want a bigger failure than the kidnapping plot From high atop my Monument, I’ll give you the Boot I’m a vehement of the denunciation of one John Booth I’ll head back to London, and I’ll be Shippen you to hell Perhaps this will get me promoted by Continental Booth: Your compass must be off, because it Points due West Shoot you down with these rhymes; call me Boston Corbett The Waters Still Run Deep with the broken and left legacy This time I won’t fail, like on March 17th Write a letter to Lucy Hale, which she won’t throw away Leave this battle and go sleep with John André You must be fat gaining 360 pounds in pension Your like the damned government cause you get too much attention Arnold: Go and tell Davey Herold he’s about to lose a companion He has more controversial feelings than President Buchanan Man, those lame disses are giving me a Constance Headache Speaking of, I drop Hale-stones until she suffers heartbreak Like my siblings, you’ll catch coward fever and turn yellow But I won’t apothe-care for you, Master John Goodfellow You think you’re superior? You can hardly spit a rap I won before we started, you sockdologizing ol mantrap Booth: You left this world in a state of regret Call this my Lost Verse, ‘cause I spit it from the thicket Don’t call me a phallus; I’ll shake you up like Yahtzee I drop rhymes that make you suffer greatly, call me Dropsy Speaking of, my one-eyed horse leaves you beat You’re nothing but a bad, little bitch to me I can’t stand to hear your rhymes; I have hearing like a Hawk Just like you’re reputation and my horse, you’ll sink like a rock Arnold: I’m better at medicine than the Norwich Zecora But there’s no potion we can make to keep you from rapping poor, yeah You’re such a disgrace, I should refuse you like communion You're only known for killing the leader of the abolitionist movement You’re nothing but a hopeless drunk; you have no regard for style And the assistance of Cox only got you forty miles. I haven’t even been touched; you should call me Andrew Johnson You may have been Shakespearean, but that’s all been forgotten Booth: Oh my Czolgosz, I can’t believe you’re still going at it. You’ll never get the fame; just surrender like Lee at Appomattox You’re remembrance is preposterous; un-Revered just like the South Not everyone is born with a Silver Spoon in their mouth I understand your father’s drunkenness skewed your view of the bottle But don’t let one hangover let you think I’m someone awful You’re smarter than you started; you knew not who you were up against SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS! The South is avenged. Trivia * John Wilkes Booth is an actual ancestor of Ryan's. * This battle has had several beat changes, and it was eventually settled on a free-to-use one from EDX. * Ryan shackle was originally going to play Booth, and got upset when KGBronies insisted on doing his video. He eventually let him have the full role because his impression is really good. But then KGBronies stopped wanting to be involved with him anymore, so Ryan got a second chance to do it. * AccordionChick provided the line "You're only known for killing the leader of the abolitionist movement" because Ryan couldn't figure out a rhyme for "communion." * Mat4yo provided a small amount of chiseling for Arnold's first verse.